Nothing much

Hmmm...been doing nothing for the past 3 days. Since they broke the news to me, takde mood dah nak buat kerja. First 2 days, I was so crushed I couldn't even talk about it. Just the mention of it it pun is more than enough to make me shed some tears. Arrrghhhh !!!!!

They are going to conclude contract. Geez !!!! Was so damn dissappointed. Was so down...down and way way down. Tension pun ada. I mean, I tried my best. I was all out when I did the documentation. The verdict? "It's fine but it was not in sequence"...Too bad...too bad...And that was that.

Takperlah. Dah takde rezeki. Nak buat cemana kan..Probably I was not meant to be here...Dear hubby was very supportive. Thanks to JBMari also for the encouragement....Feels much better now though haven't found a new job. We'll see la later how. For the time being, I just want to get on with my life. It not the end of the world, hubby said....Hehhehe...

Anyway, lab report on adik's blood test came out on Monday. Of courselah positive Down Syndrome. We didn't hope for the test to come out negative on that...Anyway, dr cakap for the time being, susah nak cakap how is she going to be; illness, development, etc.... Just stick to the same paediatrician, ask for referal to other specialist if the needs arise.

But so far, she's doing fine. In fact, she's doing great. Mengesot kemain laju, macam crocodile nak tangkap mangsa when she moves. Dah boleh berpaut pada kerusi then berdiri sendiri. Lasak bukan main....Balik rumah, letak kejap aje depan tv, masuk bilik kejap, keluar semula, adik dah ada kat dapur berkemas periuk...Kelentang kelentung dibalingnya tudung periuk. Dah boleh sebut "apu" bila switch on lampu. Sebut "abah" even though kakak dia panggil daddy....Actually, semua orang dia panggil abah...heheheheh

Cuma bila dia selsema or demam tu, takes longer to heal. Seminggu lebih gitu barulah dia ok...Other than that, she's been superb. Her next check-up will be next month. We''ll see what the paed has to say...

Oh yeah...Found this website on Down Syndrome kids...Nice one...Banyak story to share...http://trisomy21online.com/

It's been ages...

Yeah....it's been ages since I update this blog. So many things happened...Soo many things to tell and write. Sampai tak tau kat mana nak mula. One thing I know, February was a month that will be remembered for the rest of my life....I'm sure the same goes to dear hubby.

After struggling and fighting for more than 2 years, my mother in law finally was layed to rest on 7 February 2006. Mak had breast cancer.

It all started dengan batuk yang tak baik-baik. Mula-mula makan ubat batuk biasa, yang kita biasa beli kat kedai. Then amik ubat from klinik pulak. Still no progress. Until at one time sampai semput sebab batuk teruk sangat. So after much persuasion from abah and anak-anak, she finally agreed to go for further check-up at the Mentakab hospital. Later on, direfer pulak ke Hospital Kuantan and being admitted there. Mula-mula doctors suspected TB. Bagilah berbagai jenis ubat to consume, lama jugaklah kena makan. Then tebuk pulak tengok air paru paru. Keluarkan air, what-so-ever. But still tak tau what was wrong. All the while they were focussing on her lungs. Masa tu, I was pregnant with adik. Berulang alik ke Kuantan saban minggu melawat arwah mak. LPT pun tak siap lagi masa tu. Pitam gak la a few times sebab letih sangat berulang....campur plak bau ubat ubat kat hospital.

So, tunggu punya tunggu punya tunggu result hospital, tak jugak dapat conclusionnya. So hubby cakap to abah, bring mak to KL, buat check-up kat Ampang Puteri. So the date was fixed. Off they went to see the dr kat Ampang Puteri. I didn't tagged along but hubby cakap, it didn't take the doctor long to finally revealed that mak had breast cancer. Then decision and arrangement was made to make sure mak will undergo operation to remove the lump, then chemo after that. Doctor also made known that the cancer is now at stage 4, but he said lets not think about the stage. Kita cuba sedaya upaya kita, ikhtiar sehabis boleh.

Maka lepas tu bermulalah episode chemo treatment mak di HUKM. Selang 2 minggu, mak and abah will be in KL for the appointment. Ada masa-masa dia cukup bersedia untuk treatment. Ada masa-masa, darah tak cukup, tak boleh buat chemo dulu, kena masukkan darah dulu. So she had to spend the night kat hospital until the blood transfusion settled then sambung dengan chemo treatment. Most of the times, she tried to appear strong. During chemo and after chemo, biasanya dia masih riuh bercerita dan main-main dengan kakak, my daughter. Dalam sehari dua lepas mak and abah balik ke kampung, barulah dia akan mula letih, terbaring. After a few days macam tu, dia rasa segar semula. Macam tulah the cycle for about 2 years.

Masa adik was born, mak tengah buat chemo treatment. Immediately lepas chemo tu, she insisted to rush and visit me and her latest cucu. Masa tu first day puasa, the very next day, lepas buka puasa, terus bertolak balik ke JB for confinement sebab tak nak susahkan arwah mak jaga. Kalau arwah mak masih sihat, memang sah sah akan balik pantang ke Pahang, macam masa bersalinkan kakak. Arwah mak akan uruskan everything for me.

After first cycle of chemo, doctor did a review to see the progress tapi still tak clear lagi. So mak had to go for another round of chemo. By this time, a few times jugak dia ada cakap jemu dah makan ubat. Tapi abah pujuk jugak...Then suddenly it happened. Cuma tinggal 2 kali chemo aje lagi, mak tiba-tiba terus tak boleh bangun. Terbaring je...Days after days, her health deteriorated. Bangun terpaksa dipapah, makan minum disuap. Sedih sangat tengok keadaan mak...Ingatan pun dah tak berapa jelas. Percakapan pun tak bergitu terang. Most of the times, dia macam mumbled. Ada masa dan ketika, dia tak ingat siapa anak-anak dia. Bila kita tanya, kenal tak...dia akan senyum dan angguk tapi bila tanya siapa, dia tak jawab....

The last 2 months was very tough. Mak was totally not able to get up and take care or herself. Makan, minum, mandi, semua diuruskan. Sent mak to hospital for a scan. With the result, abah came to KL and met up with the doctor kat HUKM. Found out some swelling dekat brain dia. Doctor's opinion: operate. Abah was a bit suprised with the suggested idea. So he went to see the doctor at Ampang Puteri. Doctor's opinion : She's too weak to undergo such operation. Take medicines for the time being until she is well or strong enough to go for operation.

So we decided to continue with the medicines. Abah kata, mak dah banyak terseksa dengan all the chemo treatment. Operation is not an option given the fact that she was too weak. Let her spend the rest of her life peacefully at home, surrounded by abah and her children. Abah cakap, at this point of time, kita bersedia dan redha ajerlah with whatever happens. We tried out best...

Kali terakhir we all went back to visit arwah mak was masa cuti raya cina. 28 January, abah buat kenduri doa selamat untuk my biras yang tengah sarat mengandung. We spent 5 days kat kampung, the last day tu belikan keperluan mak, diapers, lotion untuk sapu kat badan mak sebab dah agak kering dan mengelupas. Balik dari barang-barang, jenguk mak kat bilik, she holded out her hands to me and mumbled something. I couldn't figure out what was it that she wanted to say. Panggil abah, tanya abah mak cakap apa...puas we all dengar betul betul. Rupanya dia nak pear lagi. Dia tengah makan buah masa tu...The night before, after so long dia tak bercakap dengan jelas, all of a sudden, she talked. Not much, but it was clear. Kakak, my daughter, tengah duduk-duduk sebelah katil mak, usap tangan mak and calling her out. "Wan..wan..". Kakak memang rapat and manja dengan wan dia. Maklumlah...cucu pertama. Lagipun mak takde anak perempuan. Dia memang teringin sangat nak cucu perempuan. So all her attention was to kakak...Anyway, after kakak panggil panggil wan dia, suddenly she replied..."Yer sayang, ada apa..." Kakak was so happy wan dia bercakap dengan dia. And that was the last time arwah mak bercakap....

Selasa 7 February 2006 lebih kurang pukul 11 pagi, bila dear hubby called to tell me the news, rasa macam tak percaya, rasa macam mimpi sebab baru aje call kampung monday night tu. Abah kata, mak looks ok...batuk dah kurang sikit. Makan pun selera...Rupanya tu petanda mak nak pergi...We rushed back from office, balik rumah pack baju and barang, amik kakak and adik and shoot off to Pahang. Perjalanan terasa lama sangat padahal cuma sejam setengah. Sampai sana dekat pukul 3 petang. Almost done with the kafan. Kissed mak for the last time and hantar ke kubur. Around 6 semua selesai...According to abah, pagi tu lepas mandi, abah was ready to feed mak with her breakfast. Tiba-tiba dia sesak nafas...dan mak pergi tak lama lepas tu. Abah kata takperlah....semua dah selamat. Ini yang terbaik untuk mak....

To mak...tak sempat saya nak ucapkan terima kasih atas segalanya. Terlalu banyak yang mak buat untuk saya dan abang. Even though cuma sempat bersama dengan mak tak sampai 5 tahun, tapi jasa budi dan kasih sayang mak kami ingat sampai bila bila. Kepada adik yang tak sempat merasa belaian wan dia seperti mana kakak, I will make sure she knows that she had a wonderful grandmother who loves her. Mak cuma sempat bermain dengan adik sampai setahun lebih. Sebelum mak jatuh sakit, mak sempat berpesan to my aunty..."Rasanya saya tak sempat nak tengok budak budak ni besar. B tolonglah yer jagakan cucu-cucu saya ni..."

Mak, we will miss you....Semoga roh mak ditempatkan di kalangan orang-orang yang beriman. Amin......